Baby steps

Welp, it's done

I am now unemployed...again.

No, I don't plan on staying unemployed and no, I haven't gotten a job..yet.

See, here's the thing about me. I don't know what I'm doing. Well, I know this sounds like a complete re-hash from the past posts, which it sort of is, but that's just the thing about me.

I've just figured out something about me; how I remember stuff and things; how I memorize them and make them easier on my life; how I won't forget them. It's all in repetition.

You see, I guess this ain't anything special, but I can remember stuff from repeating them to myself over and over and over again. Passwords, codes, locations, anything. Of course, if any fool who repeats the same thing can remember it. It's ingrain into your brain and body that it becomes natural.

And there lies the problem with me. I have repeated myself so many times it felt natural for me. My routine has been ingrain to me that I'm always up at night thinking about all the thing I could have done to change it, when instead of could, it's should. I should have searched harder; I should have applied, I should have started.

All these went through my mind, including my forever fear of timeandafterlifeanddeathandstuff.

I can't seem to get myself to move on. I really REALLY can't go on like this. I have to...need to get a move on.

So, as soon as I finish this post off, I'm going to send a CV..to...I don't know, some magazine place. I fear not only eternity, but living this empty, aimless life where so much potential to do something is wasted cause I don't do shit about it.

Too many fears, too little faith. I need to make myself at least jump towards the fire and flames and come out fireproof, scarred or alive and willing to try again.

No more. No more of all of...THIS (I wrote as I pointed to myself and imagined those scenes in HTTYD)

I'll change. Even it's only one step at a time.

Random updates and The rest

Before i begin, a few updates:
1. I got a haircut
2. I started college
3. it's 3.38 in the morning and i gotta get ready in 2-3 hours
4. You have just been updated
aaaand 5. started playing runescapes (again).

Now back to the random idiots anything but daily nonsense.

Boo... joking, i'm just bored a bit cause i got so many things to write about to the extent i just don't want to write about it at all. You feelin me? I just don't seem to get into the mood, the spirit of writing these random, but apparently clever, thoughts i..uhh..what's the word?......imagine? No no no...ummm.... ahhhh.. damn, lost it... DEVELOPED!! CREATED!!..... well something like that.

That random quotes or paragraphs is just like getting the perfect "snap" sound after practicing snapping for a certain period of time. Sometimes it gets that nice "SNAP" sound that you know sounds right.. AAAnnd sometimes it's those snaps that just feels weak.. you get wat i mean?

At this moment, today, this moment (wait, repeated myself there), i'm just not feeling it. I know i know, i'm not disappointing anyone, it's not like you guys follow this blog or something.. I mean look at the title of this blog!? JUST ANOTHER RANDOM IDIOT? What does that even mean!? Is that some sort of message pointing out to other bloggers that those bloggers are idiots as well? Is this blog trying to suggest that blogging is for idiots?

What do you guys thnk? And i'm pretty sure the "you guys" i'm talking about are me friends who sometimes just drop by me blog for a certain update of what they've just updated on.... ok, that didn't even completely sound write. Even in my head as i'm typing this right now doesn't sound right.... Why the hell did i choose now to type my blog? GOD i'm not thinking straight.

so, yeah...Idiot here signing off i guess..

P.s
Hopefully, a certain "someone" (yeah i'm talking about myself) in the right mind, would plan on deleting post. BUT, knowing that "someone" (still talking about myself), that person is gonna keep it here so that "person" (this actually refers to anyone...screw it, EVERYONE who reads this blog, including meself) will see this embarrassment of a post to see the side that "person" (....now i just don't care anymore) don't show cause he's too damn quiet about IT (woohoo, used the right "quiet" this time instead of typing "quite")....

p.p.s
it's now 4am and i still haven't slept yet... dear god...

p.p.P.s (woohoo, extra "p")
I know i'm actually ranting about my own blog and i'm the one who wrote down the blog's name and shit...soo yeah, i get that i'm thrashing me own trash..soooo yeah... cool? cool cool cool....