Best in the World

It's like closing to 5am at the moment and I'm sick. Having a flu sucked and a sore throat sucked more. Took some pills to kill the pain, but my nose is dripping like crazy. If anyone could see the amount of used tissue...well, let's just say it could compare to an average teenager on hormones.

As I said, closing to 5am and sick, but somethings just gotta be written, am I right? (This is rhetorical by the way).

I lived my life not knowing what to do. Don't get me wrong, you've read my posts before. They were filled with this I could do or what I want to do. Dreams and goals set upon pedestal and I'm at the beginning like a playing piece from one of those board games, walking the path riddled with close to impossible challenges and the total unknown. Yes, I got dreams and goals I want to pursue, but what am I doing to achieve that?

I look at myself and all I see is...empty. This kid here, this is the one with crazy thoughts of wanting to rule the world or making a big change and yet...He has no idea how or what it truly means. I want, but that doesn't mean I'll be given. I can't ask for anything like a that. No, I got to grab it. I gotta go out there and take it for myself. Yet, all this time, I'm a void.

When it truly matters the most, I couldn't take the dive. I listen to what the people closest to me would say and take their words to heart, yet I do nothing about that. What am I doing with my life? I thought and thought, over and over and over... The cycle goes on. There are a lot of things I want to do. I want to join my friends to go study in Australia, yet I can see the doubt that there's no way I could do that. Financial, how am I suppose to support myself? Obviously my family can't do two cents about that.

No dis, but they got a lot on their plate and I really don't want to be indebted to them. I don't necessarily hate them, but they aren't the most supportive of people. But I do want to study...But I also needed a job and for a while, I heard zilch from the people I applied to. I know I should just keep on trying, but my self-confidence deflates faster than a 3rd place nobody. I can't keep on sitting on my ass doing this.

"Nothing will ever change by sitting on the couch."

It was just this evening when I heard this phrase. It's not the exact phrase, but close to it. I watched a documentary about a wrestler. A man. The best in the world.

Yes, if you know who he is, you get a brownie point, friend. I watched, full attentiveness on his trials and tribulation. I know I was nothing like the man, but god damn it, was he a role model. He was definitely someone worth to idol over. I know he's a jerk in real life, but a true friend at heart. I wanted to be this guy. 20 years and I found a new role model and he's walking out of the wrestling business for good. Yet, I could see his influences. He is the man that could get things done. He says what he says and does it. A straight edge guy who knows what he wants and takes it.

I can't help but gawked. His confidence is exactly what I wanted. As I said, I want to be like this guy. A true man, he is. I finally got another goal in life. All I want, need or muster is the confidence this man has shown me. He came from a worst background than myself. Yet, he turned out ok, if not, even better. He did not give himself towards the easy way to escape the troubles of reality. No. Instead, he found a different reality. A different view he could take in. I felt a somewhat kindred spirit. Sounds pretty obnoxious of me. Me and Punk, similar? Yeah, I never did give in to the depression nor did I ever turn to the three trifacta of stress-relieve. I've tried a little of the three, only to sate my curiosity and that's it. I could count the number of times with one hand alone,, but that doesn't mean anything. This guy remained true to his words. He got tattoos all over his body, but they are the art of his life, every piece tells a story.

I know what I want to do. I've known for a while. So, shouldn't I just follow his confidence and go on ahead? I can't be everything nor can I do everything. Not yet, anyways. But for now, I should stick to what I want to do. What I can do and be the best at that.

Yes, I plan to adopt his phrase, cause the truth to the matter is, he is truly the best in the world and as corny as it sounds, why shouldn't I try as well?