Realization

I did not ever stop and think my choices, but if I took back, everything up to this point was all my own.
Let me rephrase

As you've all read before, I've been going on and on about how I am constantly being told what to do. Okay, not really. I have been told by my family to go through this or do that, but I have just realized that..All the things I've been through, it's all me. All my choices.

I guess you guys are feeling disappointed at what I have discovered. Yes, I should have realized that, but for awhile now I was in constant battle with my own psyche to actually take a step back and see the big picture. The school I went to, the people of I met, the course I chose, the events I took part. All Me. And here I am, wrecking my brains on what to do with my life and asking people their opinions on the matter. Yet, at the end of the day, only I could decide what to do. Only I could forge my path. This....why didn't I see this before? Why did it took a journey alone to my old home just to realize that...I'm in control of my life the whole time. It's not fate, I got no strings attach to me. I have complete control of my life.

And that scares me...

I know there are people who would kill (figuratively speaking) to have what I have. I have no chains attached. Yes, I still got responsibility, but I'm completely free. People may owe me, but I owe no one. My obligation to my family is second (I'm sorry, family, but it's how I see it) in my list.

I was told that if my dad was still alive, he would have said to me that I could do whatever I want, afterwards, he won't be supporting me. He'd treat me like an adult and let me decide my path. Let it be politics, journalism, music, martial arts or cartoon, he will allow me to be what I want. Now that this moment has fell to my lap, what should I be doing?

I only realized that, after trudging through the murky sludge of my thought process, that I'm free to do what I want. So be it. I shall go ahead to doing what I want to do.