I'm no different

I guess I haven't really moved on as I had hoped. When i meant moved on, I actually mean it every sense of the word. My ass feels like its been flatten by the couch and benches I sat on for hours on end. I can't believe how capable humans are when it comes to being lazy. It's a real effort to be the slouch that I currently am. But I can't stay that way. Not forever, not now, not tomorrow, not yesterday. Ok, that last one does not make sense, but you get what I mean.

I know I've been saying that I was tired of all this lazyboy attitude of mine, but I really am tired. And sick. Like, really, I am sick. A slight fever, muscle aches and a sore throat I think. Yet I still make an effort to go through today as I've always been. Not much change to me physically. But in terms of psychologically, I'm going back and forth with my most annoying ego or such. The constant cycle I go through with myself should just leave me at the mental hospital or on the streets, but yet here I strive to find a way to break it. I don't like how I'm constantly demoralizing myself and at the same time trying to motivate this shell to keep going on when I can't even step up to the plate for swing.

Don't get me wrong, I've tried to take a crack at it, yet it always seem to be a foul ball. (I'm not sure when I started using sports analogy, but so roll with it). You'd think after 9 years (yes, I said 9 years. I've been at war with myself for 9 years.) I'd learn a thing or two about making decisions, but smart enough to remember half of the decisions I've made...only the embarrassing ones.

I've got turmoil, I know that. What do you think the whole blog is about? Seriously, what do you think!? I hardly hear anything from you interweb people. Seems like all I do here is just ramble on and on about this and that or something.

I can't get my answers here on these posts. Well, maybe I can, but I doubt it will come so quickly. I'm gonna have to trudge on like I've always done. Change it up on the way as well. If I'm going to realize my dream, YOU, my dear blog and readers, will have to be my foundation.

Yes, what I'm saying is that I want to use you guys to forge my path. Sugar-coating this shit ain't gonna do much except leaving you guys expecting something, so I'll say it clear and concise, you guys will help me. HAHAHA, I'm pretty arrogant for some lazy jerk. I guess you could say that to half of the people in this world. And when I meant this world, I meant the internet world, full of jerks and fools making a name of themselves through the internet. I'm no different. Guess I should I started with that.