Perdicament

I don't know what to do with my life.
I mean, I know I have a whole selections of choices to follow, and don't get me wrong, it's pretty overwhelming. But unfortunately, I hardly know what to do with myself. So instead, I have others give me ideas on how to go about on this questioning period of my life.

I could work..
It's an obvious and a totally acceptable choice. I currently have only 6 months to leech off my parent's pension money, so sooner or later I have to provide for myself. I got a few good ideas tossed at me. I could consider interning at IGN, the gaming review/news portal. It's a dream job that puts two of my favorite things together: Games and Writing. With this, I could maintain my daily lifestyle on gaming and have income to support myself whilst living with me bros. It's one of the highlighted choice for me. Of course, that would mean that my "planned" trip to travel must be held back for who knows how long. I was told many times from the eldest son to "enjoy" myself. I got the approval to travel from me mom and my bro ain't so tough on my decision, but they can't help worry about how I decide my course of life. I guess I still need to think about it.

I could continue studying..
Which is what every family wants their child to do, it's no different from my case as my late parents were well-respected adults during their time and I know my family wishes me to pursue further on my studies. The upside in doing so is that I will be able to extend my pension (I hope) until I finish my studies. Another upside is that the getting a job will require less stress as my portfolio would state that I am an accomplished degree graduate of (insert name of University). I would like to further my education and can't help but think all the experiences I would gain should I chose this decision. 2 problems though; 1) I have no idea what to pursue on, 2) Do I have the qualification to follow said course..Let me add a third one; which is if I have the finance to both pay for the course and to support myself if I were to choose the course. That's actually to things, but both falls under the "If I have enough money" problem.

I could travel..
It's nice, but unfortunately, I don't believe I have the resource (money) to support this decision. Well, if it's not money, I could just simple start walking and see where can I go from there, leave everything behind and head to wherever I want to go. If I chose this, however, I will be exploiting myself to all sorts of dangers and other life-threatening situations which a 20 year old like myself have no idea how to overcome or solve. I may seem quick on my feet, but I'm an impulsive loon who forgets easily. I have many doubts whether I could do such thing or not.

It is a sad thing for a 20 year like myself, still young and full of untapped potential, to tear myself. I mean, I know it's possible to do all three (well, normal traveling, not the globe-trotting, backpacking, hobo lifestyle travel), but to actually realize that vision is to have determination of steel and a clear, well-thought out plan to follow that determination. And at the moment, I have neither. Or 1/2 of said requirements. Ok, maybe neither is the real answer. I say this, but that does not mean I don't completely have no idea what I wanted to do in my life.

I want to make cartoons..
It's not animation i'm talking about. I want to be a plot writer or storyboard artist or whatever the occupation for writing cartoon is called. I want to make a story and turn it into a cartoon. I wanna make all sorts of cartoon that teaches kids,teenagers and adults about life lessons and to make them laugh, cry, giggle, mad, smile, hate, understand, cringe and remember all sorts of things, remind them all of the things about their own life experiences. Have them get all worked up on an episode just to get settle down by the next. I want to fill kids with imagination and hope that those kids will give life to those imagination even through adulthood. I want teenagers to understand that the world is too big to hate, but small enough to love. I want adults to allow themselves to be free from the shackle of boring routines and find the beauty of every little moments they spent with their love ones, because everything is temporary and the only thing immortal are the memories kept by others; stories one passed on from one generation to another to another families' generation and so on. Cartoons have a certain way on people. They can manifest one's fear into comedy while exploiting the facts of life towards themselves. Cartoons are able to poke on issues considered taboo and turn it into a catchy tune to remember the lessons. Cartoons can take all the nonsense in the world, all the feats that humans believe are considered "impossible" and turn it into a debate on how close to possible it truly is. I'm probably making it a wee too dramatic on how I see cartoons, but that is how I could only see it. Cartoons does not have to be truly logical. In fact, the best cartoons hardly are. Then again, some of those cartoons aren't so child-friendly either. Nonetheless, it's cartoons with oddest factors that leave behind the strongest impact.

I have written what seemed like a couple of weeks worth, but it has quelled my indecision on the course of my life. Although I am still lost, I am no longer awaiting till a sign has shown itself. For now, I'll flow, but as well, trudge through this pavement of indecisiveness and find course in life. I do not know when I'll find the answer and no idea how, but I'll keep on going. It is not a wall that will stop me, simply my lack of will.

Babble in curiosity

Right now imma let my instincts talk while i dazed away for a bit. I wonder what is it about me that keep.... wait, imma thinkin again. can't think, i gotta feel. gotta dabble in curiosity (gotta stay in topic and all, or imma just be doping away)... So, what am i writing? I wanna know what i wanna write about.

Maybe i should just warn you know that reading this post will may be a waste of your precious time, but considering you are still reading this post up to this sentence, then i'll entertain you for a little while longer. I want to know what is it i plan to do with my course of life. I could do anything, actually. I won't be good at it, but i know i'll learn on the job and then gain experience (just like in games~), and in time, i'll be good at it. They do say to get good at something, you gotta suck at it first.

Sigh, my mind wanders around like... like..pollen being swayed by the wind. Pollen..what was that one flower called again? Cauliflower? no wait, that's a vegetable...let me check google for a minute...ahh..damn, forgot what flower it was. A new simile, like a leaf on the wind (googled simile as well, sew me..well not literally).. I get blown around places, wandering around on where should i land.. but fate isn't so kind. The wind will just take me to another place and i'll still be shrouding in the unknown, mind filled with doubts, my hope replaced by uncertainty, my pride turned into longing..longing for a place to rest. It will allow me to rest, though. When the wind stops, I get a chance to see my resting place, my landing spot.

Is it the end? No, I will not submit to that. I remain curious once more. I don't plan to stop yet. How am i writing this? In present tense? In future tense? these sentences don't need tenses. tis a story. randomly weaved by a fool satisfying his fill on writing.

You did a good job reading until now. It means your curiosity is broad. you want to know things that you don't know of, you want to understand where this is going. Well, i got news for ya, this post ain't going nowhere, but it opens a certain something within ya. I'll tell you straight. My dear readers, you.are.a.Fool. You can take it as an insult if you want. only foolish people would ready what a foolish person writes. Only a fool can follow the babbles of a fool. And you are one (if you are still reading, then it pretty much proves it). You are like me. Unknown to the outside, wondering why? So you instead of sitting ya ass on the sofa, you started walking, journeying, reading, finding, discovering, answering and repeat. Satisfying your quench for knowledge, you started wandering and understanding your limits, your capability..your gift.

So congratulations, my foolish readers, i thank you for reading this far (again) and enjoy your new found personality. It will help you well in life. I don't guarantee it, but well..just see how it goes~

Greatness...

We were never born great. This is the reality we should have accepted when we were born. But our parents tell us otherwise. We were told we could change the world. Meet up with their high expectations, overcome impossible odds and Achieving the improbable. We were told we were meant for greatness. And that is the problem with kids these days.

Born and raised in a family, able to buy and support for their education and their materialistic desires, in exchange for greatness. Achievements. Never have we ever given a second thought on how this much pride could ruin our children's perception of the world. We let them believe they can achieve it.

No one is born great. We are all born fools. Individuals with no knowledge of the world outside our crib. Looking for guidance from our caregivers, hoping to find the answers. Greatness is like respect. it is not given, but earned.