I don't know what to do with my life.
I mean, I know I have a whole selections of choices to follow, and don't get me wrong, it's pretty overwhelming. But unfortunately, I hardly know what to do with myself. So instead, I have others give me ideas on how to go about on this questioning period of my life.
I could work..
It's an obvious and a totally acceptable choice. I currently have only 6 months to leech off my parent's pension money, so sooner or later I have to provide for myself. I got a few good ideas tossed at me. I could consider interning at IGN, the gaming review/news portal. It's a dream job that puts two of my favorite things together: Games and Writing. With this, I could maintain my daily lifestyle on gaming and have income to support myself whilst living with me bros. It's one of the highlighted choice for me. Of course, that would mean that my "planned" trip to travel must be held back for who knows how long. I was told many times from the eldest son to "enjoy" myself. I got the approval to travel from me mom and my bro ain't so tough on my decision, but they can't help worry about how I decide my course of life. I guess I still need to think about it.
I could continue studying..
Which is what every family wants their child to do, it's no different from my case as my late parents were well-respected adults during their time and I know my family wishes me to pursue further on my studies. The upside in doing so is that I will be able to extend my pension (I hope) until I finish my studies. Another upside is that the getting a job will require less stress as my portfolio would state that I am an accomplished degree graduate of (insert name of University). I would like to further my education and can't help but think all the experiences I would gain should I chose this decision. 2 problems though; 1) I have no idea what to pursue on, 2) Do I have the qualification to follow said course..Let me add a third one; which is if I have the finance to both pay for the course and to support myself if I were to choose the course. That's actually to things, but both falls under the "If I have enough money" problem.
I could travel..
It's nice, but unfortunately, I don't believe I have the resource (money) to support this decision. Well, if it's not money, I could just simple start walking and see where can I go from there, leave everything behind and head to wherever I want to go. If I chose this, however, I will be exploiting myself to all sorts of dangers and other life-threatening situations which a 20 year old like myself have no idea how to overcome or solve. I may seem quick on my feet, but I'm an impulsive loon who forgets easily. I have many doubts whether I could do such thing or not.
It is a sad thing for a 20 year like myself, still young and full of untapped potential, to tear myself. I mean, I know it's possible to do all three (well, normal traveling, not the globe-trotting, backpacking, hobo lifestyle travel), but to actually realize that vision is to have determination of steel and a clear, well-thought out plan to follow that determination. And at the moment, I have neither. Or 1/2 of said requirements. Ok, maybe neither is the real answer. I say this, but that does not mean I don't completely have no idea what I wanted to do in my life.
I want to make cartoons..
It's not animation i'm talking about. I want to be a plot writer or storyboard artist or whatever the occupation for writing cartoon is called. I want to make a story and turn it into a cartoon. I wanna make all sorts of cartoon that teaches kids,teenagers and adults about life lessons and to make them laugh, cry, giggle, mad, smile, hate, understand, cringe and remember all sorts of things, remind them all of the things about their own life experiences. Have them get all worked up on an episode just to get settle down by the next. I want to fill kids with imagination and hope that those kids will give life to those imagination even through adulthood. I want teenagers to understand that the world is too big to hate, but small enough to love. I want adults to allow themselves to be free from the shackle of boring routines and find the beauty of every little moments they spent with their love ones, because everything is temporary and the only thing immortal are the memories kept by others; stories one passed on from one generation to another to another families' generation and so on. Cartoons have a certain way on people. They can manifest one's fear into comedy while exploiting the facts of life towards themselves. Cartoons are able to poke on issues considered taboo and turn it into a catchy tune to remember the lessons. Cartoons can take all the nonsense in the world, all the feats that humans believe are considered "impossible" and turn it into a debate on how close to possible it truly is. I'm probably making it a wee too dramatic on how I see cartoons, but that is how I could only see it. Cartoons does not have to be truly logical. In fact, the best cartoons hardly are. Then again, some of those cartoons aren't so child-friendly either. Nonetheless, it's cartoons with oddest factors that leave behind the strongest impact.
I have written what seemed like a couple of weeks worth, but it has quelled my indecision on the course of my life. Although I am still lost, I am no longer awaiting till a sign has shown itself. For now, I'll flow, but as well, trudge through this pavement of indecisiveness and find course in life. I do not know when I'll find the answer and no idea how, but I'll keep on going. It is not a wall that will stop me, simply my lack of will.
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
Monday, April 29, 2013
But, Yeah...
For a while now, I’ve suddenly acquired this train of thought of being both self-aware and still remain ignorant to myself. Since when have I gained such attitude? Why do I keep all these stuff to myself? I realized moments ago that what I’ve been doing with my life is nothing but a form of suicide. A slow, yet joyful way of suicide. I mean, everyone dies. One way or the other, it’ll come. But I live my life by pushing my body to the limit whilst enjoying the pleasures of life.
The saying “Live Life to the fullest” or “Life is a short ride, so live it full” or some crap of saying like that, I do not really know the main saying, but all I’m trying to elaborate is that I’m constantly cutting off my life span my ignoring the simple and smallest details of my life. Of course, instinct has helped me prevent from dying from hunger, avoiding dangerous areas and as well keeping my oxygen tank full. Well, it’s either instincts or luck. Either ways, I’m still alive, so I should start living. But I don’t know how to properly live it. There are to guides.. well there are guides, but you can’t tell whether it’ll lead you to the right path. Is there really a “right” or “wrong” path? Well, I guess talk of human trafficking and other shady, inhumane acts could be considered the “wrong” path. But that is the perspective of which the masses have labelled it. If the person who does it know it’s wrong themselves, why do they keep doing so? This is a question I’ve been asking myself for a while now.
I’m definitely killing myself slowly. Not like cutting myself or plans of jumping of a building. Ignoring what the body needs and feeding it what it wants. My body as well as my future is being played around like a fucking juggler on a tightrope riding a unicycle. If I’m lucky, I’ll be able to reached to the other side, maintaining my balance and still able to keep myself on track, but one of these days, I’ll mess up, fall of the tightrope and land hard. It'll either cripple me, rendering me useless for the remainders of my life or it’ll end me. Of course, there is a third possibility I could overcome such a misfortune and gain new found strength, determination and outlook to face life and truly live life to the fullest.
Is that what I’m hoping for? To slipped up. Damn, I must be some sort of masochist. I mean, what use is it to hope for something bad to befall upon me? Will I really gain something new from that? Cause that’s what’s called a gamble, and I suck in gambling. To gamble my life on the line in hopes I get new found….something (can’t find the word)….. I’ve already lost my parents. I’ve already missed opportunities. It’s a miracle I am able to go through high school and now I’m in college, already with a whole bunch of assignments either passed deadline or nearing deadline.
I’m a mess. Maybe that should be the title of my Autobiography, “I’m a Mess”… doesn’t really reflect who I am though, just…my situation. No, I am a mess, so I should start cleaning myself up. Rearrange things, but in the order which is acceptable to me in which I am able to manage. God forbids if I’ll be able to do so, and quickly. I have an arsenal of excuses ready at the top of my head, but no determination to let out cause I hate each time I do so. It’s a load of BULL!!.... maybe that could be my title..
If anyone is reading this other than myself, at least you get to know what’s making me tick. I know I show off my quirky attitude with the mix of oddness which cannot be found among the general population (well, like 1 in a mill…a bit narcissist there), but I always carry these questions in my head and swallow them straight to my heart..or my stomach and in which, gets release in a form of gas.
Foolishness and some word synonymous to genius but with a “ness” at the end, coincide each other like two sides of the same coin. I hesitate whether I should publish it or not, but for now, this little word document essay thingy will stay in my laptop. Feel free to read, but don’t mess with anything on this document. I need to reflect on myself and I need the feedbacks from my own perspective… that doesn’t sound grammatically correct, but yeah. “But, Yeah” sounds catchy enough as a movie title. Or a book title….
The saying “Live Life to the fullest” or “Life is a short ride, so live it full” or some crap of saying like that, I do not really know the main saying, but all I’m trying to elaborate is that I’m constantly cutting off my life span my ignoring the simple and smallest details of my life. Of course, instinct has helped me prevent from dying from hunger, avoiding dangerous areas and as well keeping my oxygen tank full. Well, it’s either instincts or luck. Either ways, I’m still alive, so I should start living. But I don’t know how to properly live it. There are to guides.. well there are guides, but you can’t tell whether it’ll lead you to the right path. Is there really a “right” or “wrong” path? Well, I guess talk of human trafficking and other shady, inhumane acts could be considered the “wrong” path. But that is the perspective of which the masses have labelled it. If the person who does it know it’s wrong themselves, why do they keep doing so? This is a question I’ve been asking myself for a while now.
I’m definitely killing myself slowly. Not like cutting myself or plans of jumping of a building. Ignoring what the body needs and feeding it what it wants. My body as well as my future is being played around like a fucking juggler on a tightrope riding a unicycle. If I’m lucky, I’ll be able to reached to the other side, maintaining my balance and still able to keep myself on track, but one of these days, I’ll mess up, fall of the tightrope and land hard. It'll either cripple me, rendering me useless for the remainders of my life or it’ll end me. Of course, there is a third possibility I could overcome such a misfortune and gain new found strength, determination and outlook to face life and truly live life to the fullest.
Is that what I’m hoping for? To slipped up. Damn, I must be some sort of masochist. I mean, what use is it to hope for something bad to befall upon me? Will I really gain something new from that? Cause that’s what’s called a gamble, and I suck in gambling. To gamble my life on the line in hopes I get new found….something (can’t find the word)….. I’ve already lost my parents. I’ve already missed opportunities. It’s a miracle I am able to go through high school and now I’m in college, already with a whole bunch of assignments either passed deadline or nearing deadline.
I’m a mess. Maybe that should be the title of my Autobiography, “I’m a Mess”… doesn’t really reflect who I am though, just…my situation. No, I am a mess, so I should start cleaning myself up. Rearrange things, but in the order which is acceptable to me in which I am able to manage. God forbids if I’ll be able to do so, and quickly. I have an arsenal of excuses ready at the top of my head, but no determination to let out cause I hate each time I do so. It’s a load of BULL!!.... maybe that could be my title..
If anyone is reading this other than myself, at least you get to know what’s making me tick. I know I show off my quirky attitude with the mix of oddness which cannot be found among the general population (well, like 1 in a mill…a bit narcissist there), but I always carry these questions in my head and swallow them straight to my heart..or my stomach and in which, gets release in a form of gas.
Foolishness and some word synonymous to genius but with a “ness” at the end, coincide each other like two sides of the same coin. I hesitate whether I should publish it or not, but for now, this little word document essay thingy will stay in my laptop. Feel free to read, but don’t mess with anything on this document. I need to reflect on myself and I need the feedbacks from my own perspective… that doesn’t sound grammatically correct, but yeah. “But, Yeah” sounds catchy enough as a movie title. Or a book title….
Saturday, February 5, 2011
and then there's 5
Name:Foo Li Ann
Age: 17
Gender: Female
Relationship:Friend, Close Friend...and Crush..
Relationship status...? i don't know, she says she's not goin out with anyone but others say she is.. that just means she is... ok... now it begins..
Ok, remember how i kept on continuously mention about the 5 crushes in my life and how i went through each of them.. and remember how i was always saying that i was gonna tell u guys about it.. well, here is the last one... and if i still have more to say, this could might as well be my last one, but who knows for sure...
Foo Li Ann, i mostly don't call her through that name... why? I don't feel comfortable..reason being..i just don't...alright alright, i just don't feel right calling her by her name.. weird right? I know, i don't get it either. So what do i call her? Well, i don't keep track of the names i call her but i do remember some. There's Geena (her name she used during her days playing Ragnarok..her dark days, but she made plenty of friends, so i heard), i call her Girl, Sticks, Legs, Chopstick (not sure she remember this one, it was like a year ago), women, as well as pet names like Love (just started recently due to the influence of the series Lie To Me when the main character calls some people, mostly girls, love), hon, and other normal ones like dude, guy, man, mac... yeah, it's weird, but i don't feel right callin her name..
Now enough about what i call her.. now is the real thing.
I met her durin my second year in Sri Garden. I was awkward around everyone and i still don't trust no one... I still felt like i was the new boy around school. Eventually i befriended with these two cousins and followed one of them to her boyfriend's class every morning b4 school starts.. And there is where it all began. How i met her is still a blur to me. She said that she knows me during our trip to melaka, and i knew her before that trip, but i met her during one of the meetings with Lara's (my "lil' sis" and one of the cousins i befriended during form 1) boyfriend, who is currently one of my friends as well. We started to get to know each other by form 2, when we were both in the same class. Including were my bro, Wai Yu, and an awesome lad my the name of Jason, Jace for short. The Checker Chick days.. the reason behind that name was because of Liann's winged checkered heart design.. it was fun.. Form 2 was the best of my years.. 3 awesome best friends, cool school life.. it felt like the first time i started to live.. it felt right.. that was until..well...the split..
Form 3, all of us we assigned to different classes cept for me and Liann (lucky!). I was sad, but at least i was with someone i know. This was the year i met Amira... fell for her and apparently Liann's best friend... she won't admit it but deep down she really is her best friend.. so starts my heartbreak days and then starts the split.. It was on Jace's birthday and we all planned to go out to watch a movie. It was me, Lara, Wai Yu, Liann, Liyana, Ben (Liyana's bf) and Jace, who came a bit too late cause we didn't have enough seats. So instead of ditching the movie, she let hers go and just wandered off...but followin her were Lara n Wai Yu, who eventually became a couple that day... the group split into two and that was the sign our group...started to split..
Weeks later, something happened... Jace stopped hangin out with us.. I thought it was because he was hangin out with Hanif's group.. but it was more than that.. Apparently there was a slight argument amongst Liann, Wai Yu and Jace... it was some sort of love triangle or sumtin like that... i dunno... i never knew about it till the time we all went to our hiding place. We met Jace there alone and he didn't talk to us...well, to them... i wasn't part of the fight.. Eventually, we all grew apart..
By form 4, it was already clear... we had our own group to hang with.. Jace was with Hanif's group, Wai Yu got his own group as well.. all that was left in Checker Chicks were Liann and myself... eventually we had a fight amongst each other as well and we didn't talk to each other for 3 days or somethin like that...
Now what was the outcome of that fight? Well, it just started with me having a bright idea to look for Liann's house...why? I have no fuckin clue.. So off i was, lookin for Liann's house, but i didn't end up findin it.. But then i lied to liann sayin that i was outside her out but went back cause i was nervous to go inside (i might have left that last part out) which led to the big question...Do i like her..and i did not know how to answer that...but i did..for a long time, i like her...
Everytime i see her, my heart skips a beat, my day seems brighter, i couldn't wait to see her at school everyday.. add any cheesy lines and creepy/stalker quotes.. i was head over heels for her..and that was the problem...which sucks a lot...
I know it all to well.. I'm not a man in her eyes.. no, i'm her friend.. the "friend" that is there for her at certain times and was always hangin out with her.. i wasn't a man in her eyes..i was her "Bud"... it sucked i knew well it was stupid of me to have fallen in love (yes, i said love..or typed more like it) with her in the beginning.. Why? Because she already had eyes for another..
Form 5, group dispersed completely..but even when we are all not together, me and her, still the same class, the good friends.. close friends... i guess who we started hangin out with? HER Crush and his gang... who was that gang? Hanif's gang.. that's right, 3/4 of the Checker Chicks were all on the same group...I thought there was still hope for our group, but no... it never came... Checker Chicks was gone and all we have left were our memories..
Soon after, i started to understand that i shouldn't hang out with her.. i should just leave her alone... but NOOOO, i just have to stay with her. I just hafta... Eventually i couldn't handled it anymore and just let out...through skype..or was it fbchat... but then she knew and in a way, let me down easy.. now you might be thinkin, now that that's done, i could go on with my life with this burden off my chest.. i should have... but i didnt..
To this day, I, Sheikh Muhamad Azriq (OMG! My REAL NAME IS OUT!!) is still in love with Foo Liann, Close Friend and Comrade of the AC trilogy...as well as COD: Modern Warfare and such..
I told you it was complicated love... well, here ya go..
Thanks for being my friend and im sorry that i still have feelings for ya.. I love you as a friend as well as a man to a women... so yeah, I am REALLY SORRRY (no sarcasm added).. I don't like ur boyfriend, i enjoy your company and best of luck to you in National Service.. be safe, don't do anything stupid and always know that i'm still your friend, no matter the outcome....oh and sorry again..
Age: 17
Gender: Female
Relationship:Friend, Close Friend...and Crush..
Relationship status...? i don't know, she says she's not goin out with anyone but others say she is.. that just means she is... ok... now it begins..
Ok, remember how i kept on continuously mention about the 5 crushes in my life and how i went through each of them.. and remember how i was always saying that i was gonna tell u guys about it.. well, here is the last one... and if i still have more to say, this could might as well be my last one, but who knows for sure...
Foo Li Ann, i mostly don't call her through that name... why? I don't feel comfortable..reason being..i just don't...alright alright, i just don't feel right calling her by her name.. weird right? I know, i don't get it either. So what do i call her? Well, i don't keep track of the names i call her but i do remember some. There's Geena (her name she used during her days playing Ragnarok..her dark days, but she made plenty of friends, so i heard), i call her Girl, Sticks, Legs, Chopstick (not sure she remember this one, it was like a year ago), women, as well as pet names like Love (just started recently due to the influence of the series Lie To Me when the main character calls some people, mostly girls, love), hon, and other normal ones like dude, guy, man, mac... yeah, it's weird, but i don't feel right callin her name..
Now enough about what i call her.. now is the real thing.
I met her durin my second year in Sri Garden. I was awkward around everyone and i still don't trust no one... I still felt like i was the new boy around school. Eventually i befriended with these two cousins and followed one of them to her boyfriend's class every morning b4 school starts.. And there is where it all began. How i met her is still a blur to me. She said that she knows me during our trip to melaka, and i knew her before that trip, but i met her during one of the meetings with Lara's (my "lil' sis" and one of the cousins i befriended during form 1) boyfriend, who is currently one of my friends as well. We started to get to know each other by form 2, when we were both in the same class. Including were my bro, Wai Yu, and an awesome lad my the name of Jason, Jace for short. The Checker Chick days.. the reason behind that name was because of Liann's winged checkered heart design.. it was fun.. Form 2 was the best of my years.. 3 awesome best friends, cool school life.. it felt like the first time i started to live.. it felt right.. that was until..well...the split..
Form 3, all of us we assigned to different classes cept for me and Liann (lucky!). I was sad, but at least i was with someone i know. This was the year i met Amira... fell for her and apparently Liann's best friend... she won't admit it but deep down she really is her best friend.. so starts my heartbreak days and then starts the split.. It was on Jace's birthday and we all planned to go out to watch a movie. It was me, Lara, Wai Yu, Liann, Liyana, Ben (Liyana's bf) and Jace, who came a bit too late cause we didn't have enough seats. So instead of ditching the movie, she let hers go and just wandered off...but followin her were Lara n Wai Yu, who eventually became a couple that day... the group split into two and that was the sign our group...started to split..
Weeks later, something happened... Jace stopped hangin out with us.. I thought it was because he was hangin out with Hanif's group.. but it was more than that.. Apparently there was a slight argument amongst Liann, Wai Yu and Jace... it was some sort of love triangle or sumtin like that... i dunno... i never knew about it till the time we all went to our hiding place. We met Jace there alone and he didn't talk to us...well, to them... i wasn't part of the fight.. Eventually, we all grew apart..
By form 4, it was already clear... we had our own group to hang with.. Jace was with Hanif's group, Wai Yu got his own group as well.. all that was left in Checker Chicks were Liann and myself... eventually we had a fight amongst each other as well and we didn't talk to each other for 3 days or somethin like that...
Now what was the outcome of that fight? Well, it just started with me having a bright idea to look for Liann's house...why? I have no fuckin clue.. So off i was, lookin for Liann's house, but i didn't end up findin it.. But then i lied to liann sayin that i was outside her out but went back cause i was nervous to go inside (i might have left that last part out) which led to the big question...Do i like her..and i did not know how to answer that...but i did..for a long time, i like her...
Everytime i see her, my heart skips a beat, my day seems brighter, i couldn't wait to see her at school everyday.. add any cheesy lines and creepy/stalker quotes.. i was head over heels for her..and that was the problem...which sucks a lot...
I know it all to well.. I'm not a man in her eyes.. no, i'm her friend.. the "friend" that is there for her at certain times and was always hangin out with her.. i wasn't a man in her eyes..i was her "Bud"... it sucked i knew well it was stupid of me to have fallen in love (yes, i said love..or typed more like it) with her in the beginning.. Why? Because she already had eyes for another..
Form 5, group dispersed completely..but even when we are all not together, me and her, still the same class, the good friends.. close friends... i guess who we started hangin out with? HER Crush and his gang... who was that gang? Hanif's gang.. that's right, 3/4 of the Checker Chicks were all on the same group...I thought there was still hope for our group, but no... it never came... Checker Chicks was gone and all we have left were our memories..
Soon after, i started to understand that i shouldn't hang out with her.. i should just leave her alone... but NOOOO, i just have to stay with her. I just hafta... Eventually i couldn't handled it anymore and just let out...through skype..or was it fbchat... but then she knew and in a way, let me down easy.. now you might be thinkin, now that that's done, i could go on with my life with this burden off my chest.. i should have... but i didnt..
To this day, I, Sheikh Muhamad Azriq (OMG! My REAL NAME IS OUT!!) is still in love with Foo Liann, Close Friend and Comrade of the AC trilogy...as well as COD: Modern Warfare and such..
I told you it was complicated love... well, here ya go..
Thanks for being my friend and im sorry that i still have feelings for ya.. I love you as a friend as well as a man to a women... so yeah, I am REALLY SORRRY (no sarcasm added).. I don't like ur boyfriend, i enjoy your company and best of luck to you in National Service.. be safe, don't do anything stupid and always know that i'm still your friend, no matter the outcome....oh and sorry again..
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Mirror
I look at myself in the mirror and ask myself "who is this man standing in front of me", no, better yet, "who am I?"...
The question i asked myself... about myself.. i know the answer. i know what to say and why... the only thing i could never go through is how... How.. Actually, that's not the real problem.. It's not how i say, it's more like, whether i could accept it or not..
For A LOOOONG time, i've been trying to find who i am... shouldn't i be happy for who i am now? I'm teenager.. I got friends, no parents (cept me step-mom), 3 brothers and a sister, 3 uncles and 2 aunts plus 1 grandma... I like games, books (fiction and psychology) and music... I'm interested in women and i'm willing to help a friend, despite the consequences (not exactly smart)..
I got mostly everything i need... but what more is there? Even with all this information about myself, i still wake up and look at the mirror, wondering who i am.. I'm not faking anything.. I'm me all the time.. what which part of me is real? The me at school... the me at home...
I have never found anything that tells me, "This is where i should be.. This was why i was born..."
but many people have not found that either... that "feeling" is what i like to call it...
Most of the times.. i just lay awake, telling myself if i'm even alive.. but never bothered to answer.. those type of questions just hurts my head to the point of me throwing up (sorry to say)..
"Sigh" was one of the only post which showed the real me... angry.. sad.. frustrated yet grateful.. happy... glad.. All of which molded into one teenager's rambling about his friends and family..
This is all boring, i know, i would get bored of this myself.. But it just gotta get out, y'kno? You just gotta that something out before it gets the best of you... I talk a lot and i know i can, but i can't cause i won't.. my tongue, i hold, before i speak because i can't speak well.. my voice can't be heard properly (just ask my friends).. but that never stopped me from trying..
I don't know what this post is about or what i'm trying to say, but all this is just something i want to say... I might know what this post about actually, and i might know what i'm trying to say, but i don't... not at the moment.. This post's title is Mirror.. so that could only mean i'm talking about something related to a mirror.. Ask yourself, just once, Who is that person in the mirror.... and Why?
I could already predict a certain friend of mine's answer, which is "I'm me, because i am"... that girl is an independent women, at the same time she's a child.. It's a paradox, but that why i love her (as a friend, no romantic feelings involve, thank you very much.. please don't misunderstand)... but i'm no psychic, so i don't REALLY know what she would say.. just ask yourself...
Who are you? And Why?
The question i asked myself... about myself.. i know the answer. i know what to say and why... the only thing i could never go through is how... How.. Actually, that's not the real problem.. It's not how i say, it's more like, whether i could accept it or not..
For A LOOOONG time, i've been trying to find who i am... shouldn't i be happy for who i am now? I'm teenager.. I got friends, no parents (cept me step-mom), 3 brothers and a sister, 3 uncles and 2 aunts plus 1 grandma... I like games, books (fiction and psychology) and music... I'm interested in women and i'm willing to help a friend, despite the consequences (not exactly smart)..
I got mostly everything i need... but what more is there? Even with all this information about myself, i still wake up and look at the mirror, wondering who i am.. I'm not faking anything.. I'm me all the time.. what which part of me is real? The me at school... the me at home...
I have never found anything that tells me, "This is where i should be.. This was why i was born..."
but many people have not found that either... that "feeling" is what i like to call it...
Most of the times.. i just lay awake, telling myself if i'm even alive.. but never bothered to answer.. those type of questions just hurts my head to the point of me throwing up (sorry to say)..
"Sigh" was one of the only post which showed the real me... angry.. sad.. frustrated yet grateful.. happy... glad.. All of which molded into one teenager's rambling about his friends and family..
This is all boring, i know, i would get bored of this myself.. But it just gotta get out, y'kno? You just gotta that something out before it gets the best of you... I talk a lot and i know i can, but i can't cause i won't.. my tongue, i hold, before i speak because i can't speak well.. my voice can't be heard properly (just ask my friends).. but that never stopped me from trying..
I don't know what this post is about or what i'm trying to say, but all this is just something i want to say... I might know what this post about actually, and i might know what i'm trying to say, but i don't... not at the moment.. This post's title is Mirror.. so that could only mean i'm talking about something related to a mirror.. Ask yourself, just once, Who is that person in the mirror.... and Why?
I could already predict a certain friend of mine's answer, which is "I'm me, because i am"... that girl is an independent women, at the same time she's a child.. It's a paradox, but that why i love her (as a friend, no romantic feelings involve, thank you very much.. please don't misunderstand)... but i'm no psychic, so i don't REALLY know what she would say.. just ask yourself...
Who are you? And Why?
Monday, July 5, 2010
Dead TIRED~
I just came online just to say i'm gonna go offline! I've been up all NIGHT and all MORNING!!!! WHY??? u ask??? WELL, my ummm.... lust got the better of me... THAT and i had ta do THE GRUELING PROJECT THAT IS ME ART PROJECT!!!
PERCENTAGE OF COMPLETION : 65%!!
FUCK....
So, i won't have time to talk about my progress in life nor will i talk about girls No. 3 and 5.. Those just have to wait
SORRY FELLOW FOLLOWERS!! I'll make it up to you by making the updates of my life EPIC and SUPER PERSONAL!! OK?
SO, so long, farewell.. i wanna go to sleep...
NIGHT!!
P.s.
I just watched a short trailer of Despicable Me..... SO FLUFFAY~
PERCENTAGE OF COMPLETION : 65%!!
FUCK....
So, i won't have time to talk about my progress in life nor will i talk about girls No. 3 and 5.. Those just have to wait
SORRY FELLOW FOLLOWERS!! I'll make it up to you by making the updates of my life EPIC and SUPER PERSONAL!! OK?
SO, so long, farewell.. i wanna go to sleep...
NIGHT!!
P.s.
I just watched a short trailer of Despicable Me..... SO FLUFFAY~
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