Mirror

I look at myself in the mirror and ask myself "who is this man standing in front of me", no, better yet, "who am I?"...

The question i asked myself... about myself.. i know the answer. i know what to say and why... the only thing i could never go through is how... How.. Actually, that's not the real problem.. It's not how i say, it's more like, whether i could accept it or not..

For A LOOOONG time, i've been trying to find who i am... shouldn't i be happy for who i am now? I'm teenager.. I got friends, no parents (cept me step-mom), 3 brothers and a sister, 3 uncles and 2 aunts plus 1 grandma... I like games, books (fiction and psychology) and music... I'm interested in women and i'm willing to help a friend, despite the consequences (not exactly smart)..

I got mostly everything i need... but what more is there? Even with all this information about myself, i still wake up and look at the mirror, wondering who i am.. I'm not faking anything.. I'm me all the time.. what which part of me is real? The me at school... the me at home...

I have never found anything that tells me, "This is where i should be.. This was why i was born..."

but many people have not found that either... that "feeling" is what i like to call it...

Most of the times.. i just lay awake, telling myself if i'm even alive.. but never bothered to answer.. those type of questions just hurts my head to the point of me throwing up (sorry to say)..

"Sigh" was one of the only post which showed the real me... angry.. sad.. frustrated yet grateful.. happy... glad.. All of which molded into one teenager's rambling about his friends and family..

This is all boring, i know, i would get bored of this myself.. But it just gotta get out, y'kno? You just gotta that something out before it gets the best of you... I talk a lot and i know i can, but i can't cause i won't.. my tongue, i hold, before i speak because i can't speak well.. my voice can't be heard properly (just ask my friends).. but that never stopped me from trying..

I don't know what this post is about or what i'm trying to say, but all this is just something i want to say... I might know what this post about actually, and i might know what i'm trying to say, but i don't... not at the moment.. This post's title is Mirror.. so that could only mean i'm talking about something related to a mirror.. Ask yourself, just once, Who is that person in the mirror.... and Why?

I could already predict a certain friend of mine's answer, which is "I'm me, because i am"... that girl is an independent women, at the same time she's a child.. It's a paradox, but that why i love her (as a friend, no romantic feelings involve, thank you very much.. please don't misunderstand)... but i'm no psychic, so i don't REALLY know what she would say.. just ask yourself...

Who are you? And Why?

Sigh

Sigh~ big whoop if u kno wat i mean...

Christmas is just around the corner, but like most Christmases in my life, i spent it alone..

my life is just gettin more and more complicated everytime... I currently don't have a phone thanks to my sister.
and the bills, books, school and friends.. yeah i said friends...
it's all always a fuckin pleasure to hang out with friends, but i'm not myself when i'm around them... fuck, i'm not myself when i'm around everyone... family included.. I spent my times just surfing the web and finding actions, personalities to copy and paste it in my everyday conversations with my friends. It's the truth. The only real time i am myself is when i am by myself... make sense, no. The friends i hang out with, all special in their own way, i can just feel, deep within me, just started to get annoying.. but who am i to say.. I'm annoying myself. What i don't understand is, why i can't be myself when i'm amongst others... and then i do understand. It's cause i don't want to be myself around others.

Who the hell am i? I'm me at the same time i'm not.. i'm me when i copy others then i'm not me. I try to create this image, an image of individuality and such and end up forgetting my real self, which is not true.. i never forget myself.

I'm me when i try not to be.
phew.. that's a lot to write...
This is just an identity crisis, no biggy. You guys there, have fun.. this is just the random outburst of a teenager...

And Now A picture of a butterfly.



Random man, i is..