2 in a week, im on a roll~

This one is dedicated to my tanned lost lamb, Lucy Shadows, with her head spinning, trying to make a decision every girl has to go through at least once in her life...

Dear lost lamb,
Believe in what you believe in and never lost faith of it cause your mind tends to absorb any information that might ruin you "fling" and you'll start thinking to the point you couldn't grasp reality...kidding...but seriously, DON'T STOP LISTENING, But DO remember that the decision is YOURS to make and only YOU can make that decision... We, the friends, could only fill your head with thoughts u wouldn't want to hear or things that might complicate your decision... So, once you make that decision, live with the consequences and DEAL WITH IT!

That's all for now my little lamb, don't lose faith, keep your head still always remember, the outcome of your decision is INEVITABLE...

FINALLY!! It comes... the story i mean...

Well, It finally comes! You guys (whoever you are) have been patient with me for months now after i repeatedly say that i was gonna talk about them... WELL, I'm gonna let it out now... THE TRUTH!! THE PAIN AND THE STORY ABOUT ME ULTIMATE CRUSH (so far... who knows when i'm gonna have another one)!!!!

OK, we'll go with No.3 first since hers will be quicker..
Now, how should i start?
Ah, Here we go..
It was perhaps love at first sight....(stole this from me trial paper..never mind). Her name was Nur Amira Ibrahim(i think.. didn't payed much attention to the last part) and she was my third crush. How did we meet.. well, we were in the same class, and apparently falling for her was inevitable... even one my friends fell for her, and he was the religious one (not that it matters). So yeah... i got to know her and got comfortable with her, but i didn't act like how i would normally act like.. i was crazy for this girl to the point i actually swallowed down plastic just to impress her(didn't do shit, just made her think i was some sort of nut). Yeah, i was head over heels for her.. Till the fateful trip to Langkawi on which i heard from me friend that she was goin out with someone.... yeah, that totally just tore my heart out... I was soooooo STUPID to think i could go out with a girl like her... but i gotta try... After that, i tried confessing to her (which failed) and tried to forget her.. but that never happened till i heard she split with her boyfriend.. as soon as i heard about that, well, i felt happy, not cause she was single (and if ur reading this, i'm really sorry i was happy for ur break-up, not that i was, i was to hear about it and yeah.... I wasn't happy, that came out wrong, more like i wasn't happy for ur break-up... just i felt.. lighter.. yeah), but instantly at that moment..i just got over her.. half a month later, i met her again it felt great talking to her like a friend would..
SO that pretty much the story of mira.. besides the nicknames i always called her by (thought it was stupid and never did it again...), i left nothing out..

But now goes the story of one of my greatest, most painful crushes of all.... next time.... HAHHAHAHAHAH, THOUGHT I WOULD TELL U, WELL SUCK IT!! AHHAAHHAA... ahem.... sorry...

Story continues once the problem is sorted out.. waht problem... no fuckin idea, just know there's a problem and gotta sort it out first before me mind could write properly... anyways

ADIEU BITCHES~

Mirror

I look at myself in the mirror and ask myself "who is this man standing in front of me", no, better yet, "who am I?"...

The question i asked myself... about myself.. i know the answer. i know what to say and why... the only thing i could never go through is how... How.. Actually, that's not the real problem.. It's not how i say, it's more like, whether i could accept it or not..

For A LOOOONG time, i've been trying to find who i am... shouldn't i be happy for who i am now? I'm teenager.. I got friends, no parents (cept me step-mom), 3 brothers and a sister, 3 uncles and 2 aunts plus 1 grandma... I like games, books (fiction and psychology) and music... I'm interested in women and i'm willing to help a friend, despite the consequences (not exactly smart)..

I got mostly everything i need... but what more is there? Even with all this information about myself, i still wake up and look at the mirror, wondering who i am.. I'm not faking anything.. I'm me all the time.. what which part of me is real? The me at school... the me at home...

I have never found anything that tells me, "This is where i should be.. This was why i was born..."

but many people have not found that either... that "feeling" is what i like to call it...

Most of the times.. i just lay awake, telling myself if i'm even alive.. but never bothered to answer.. those type of questions just hurts my head to the point of me throwing up (sorry to say)..

"Sigh" was one of the only post which showed the real me... angry.. sad.. frustrated yet grateful.. happy... glad.. All of which molded into one teenager's rambling about his friends and family..

This is all boring, i know, i would get bored of this myself.. But it just gotta get out, y'kno? You just gotta that something out before it gets the best of you... I talk a lot and i know i can, but i can't cause i won't.. my tongue, i hold, before i speak because i can't speak well.. my voice can't be heard properly (just ask my friends).. but that never stopped me from trying..

I don't know what this post is about or what i'm trying to say, but all this is just something i want to say... I might know what this post about actually, and i might know what i'm trying to say, but i don't... not at the moment.. This post's title is Mirror.. so that could only mean i'm talking about something related to a mirror.. Ask yourself, just once, Who is that person in the mirror.... and Why?

I could already predict a certain friend of mine's answer, which is "I'm me, because i am"... that girl is an independent women, at the same time she's a child.. It's a paradox, but that why i love her (as a friend, no romantic feelings involve, thank you very much.. please don't misunderstand)... but i'm no psychic, so i don't REALLY know what she would say.. just ask yourself...

Who are you? And Why?

1...My first crush~ (Ginni) part 1

Did you ever experience this feeling. It did not come from anywhere at all... It just suddenly SMACK up on your face and then it starts.... love at first sight.. of course, in my situation, it wasn't first sight.. we were in the same class, so yeah.. it wasn't love at first sight.. hells no... IT WAS JUST SOME STUPID ARROW THAT JUST SO HAPPEN TO HIT ME BY THE EFFING HEART!!! How did this happen, you ask (whoever you are), well, let me start it at a new paragraph..

How bout i start with the cliche, "It was the summer of bla bla bla bla...."...... NAH! i'll start it the way i've always had... MY WAY!!

K, here's how it happen...

But before the story starts (I know you guys are thinking, "WTF man! JUST START IT ALREADY), i just want you guys to know that this story will be sad in a pathetic state and anti-climatic.... so yeah..

NOW the story begins.

Now, Ginni and I were never close to each other.. AT ALL, hells, i didn't even know her name before... EVEN THOUGH WE WERE CLASSMATES!! i didn't really paid much attention.. cause you know boys... girls are gross, violence is awesome.... superman and batman are both wearing underwear outside their suits.... yeah, i was a kid.... and this thing happened when i was 11... so yeah.. this is how it goes. My 5th grade Teacher, Mr. Ben, a buff aussie teacher who is my homeroom teacher, told us to make a story on our own. So, to gives us some tips, he asked some of the seniors from the high-school section of our school (Primary and Secondary were in different sections, so yeah) to show us some examples of a story. We were divided by two ppl with two seniors. Each senior has a story, so each student were selected randomly for the seniors. You know wat that means... you've guessed it, Ginni and I were both assigned to two seniors together.

It didn't happen right away, like i mentioned earlier. I know Ginni cause she was my classmate.. that was pretty much it. I don't know her. No b'day (not that i rmbr), no horoscope or sum shit.. just classmates is all... i still don't know her even now, and i will tell you why after this part...

Continuing on, Ginni and i were both assigned to these two senior. One was a slightly fat dude and the other was a girl... don't rmbr much on the appearance though. So, we said hi, talk about being a kid, then they started with their story. Mind you, my memory of that day was a bit foggy due to the point that it was a long time ago and i wasn't known for having a great memory.. of stuff... Continuing on, the girl told us her story. I think it was about the first day of school or sum shit. About how she was all nervous like and how at the end, she finally got used to the changes in life. After she was done, it was the fat dude's turn. At first, he didn't seem like the type to talk about love, but he did talked about it. He showed pictures of his character and his best friend, all friendly like until one day, his character fell for her. At first, the friend rejected him, cause she was afraid. Afraid that their relationship as friends would be ruin and stuff. But the story progress on, they both got closer, then he ended with the typical, children fairytale ending "They lived happily ever after".... I didn't notice it at first, but when the story ended, i was looking at Ginni... that was the moment i fell in love for her.... for the first time in my life....

WHOA!!!! HOLYMILF!!! THAT WAS LONG~ AND ONLY PART 1!!! ahahhhaahahhah, i talk a lot.. well, this was the first part of the story, the other part i will write another time. keep watch friends!

Another walk to remember~ (CORNY!!!)

A Walk to Remember was a movie i heard about, but never remembered watching (irony much).. But the title itself is worth "to remember".. get it?

A bit after one of me friends went back home, me and me other mates got our bags and started walking to our destination. Because our paths were the same, we all walked together. It was a nice walk, something new about it, but at the same time, nostalgic~ I was walking too fast, so i started walking backwards to see me friends, but then Geena shouted at me "Walk forward man!". I comply. I started to walk slower though. I walked behind Geena and one of me former classmates Syed (i call him this name cause i don't wanna confuse it with another name cause his name is Syed Arif, i decided to call him Syed, though i still call him Arif) and walked with me other former classmates, Rahim (used to be the same class during my first year at school) and Nadiz (from form 1 till 3). All these three guys were once classmates of mine. I started reminiscing about how long it was when we first met. When i met Syed, i was quiet and he was too. He sat next to me and i didn't say much. Then i accidentally stole his "Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde" novel. It didn't occurred to me until i saw his name on the book. I was like "OH SHIT!" and ended up not telling him. Think he already knows though. Then i started knowing him better when he became friends wit Nadiz and Ariff (this is the other Ariff i was talking about) and yeah... knew him better, he's a footballer with a sense of humor and a skilled guitarist. Yup, that pretty sums it up.

But WHOA! that was a bit off topic now, wasn't that? I did wrote "walk to remember" as the title, but not "Walk to remember about every single detail about this certain person"!

SO back to the topic, i started walking with me mates. 3 three guys and a girl plus myself, would be 4 guys and a girl. 3 of em used to be me former classmates and one of em is my mate. Walking with them, i then looked at Rahim and said "MAN! You've changed since the last time i walked with you in standard 6!" then Nadiz said (in BM, but i translated it to english) "Now you say it".... then Rahim, Nadiz and I started snickering off until we reached our split. I said goodbye to them as they head off to the tracks and i walked alone to the train station.

This post is called WALK TO REMEMBER cause i walked and started remembering about the past. All the simple, trivial things that happened when i was with these guys. It felt different, but at the same time... nostalgic and warm.. i was glad i met you guys. MOSTLY glad that i stayed back!